Lubna Alli

This week, although I enjoyed the presence of Alia, I did not feel personally connected to her on a professional level, but more so on a personal level. I saw a lot of myself in Alia, especially the side of myself that I feel often gets masked behind the facade of “outspoken & has her shit [somewhat] together.”

I often feel as though I am not the same person alone as I am when I step foot out of the door to battle with the world. I am strong, yes, but I am sometimes weak. I am driven, but I am tired. I am brave, yet I am timid.

Alia mentioned that she is more comfortable being away from the spotlight, or from the leadership role. Although this has not traditionally been my way of approach, I also felt connected to her in that regard, especially from the perspective of my future self. I’ve been in high-pressure environments before where I was the one that everyone else depended on to delegate tasks and pull the team together. It is often a role that goes underappreciated and that can be very draining. Once I feel accomplished and secure in my professional endeavours, I do not want to become comfortable or take the back burner. I still see myself in the role of the community activist, although to a lesser degree than my current.

When Alia told the story of how she spontaneously decided to pack up and go to China and that she later decided to move to Canada because of her ex-partner that she met while there, I was entrusted with this sense of nostalgia mixed with wanting. It’s weird to put these things into context, especially in a setting where the conversation is very career heavy. We often forget the discourse concerning the weight that personal affairs play in path dependency of our professional choices. The reality of the matter is if I had to pick between moving to the same city as the person I love and starting all over again or taking the dream job in my own city, I might just choose crazy and leave everything on the line for the sake of love. This is the spontaneous wild love story I want to live, and that I often feel will fall into fruition.

I find that I find happiness in this state of ignorant bliss because I simply just need a mental break from school, from worry, from stress. In the process of being strong headed in my professional goals, I’ve lost sight of the things that bring me joy. My social life has gone to shit, among other facets of my life that need resuscitation. I’ve forgotten what it’s like to dance until my legs give out, to laugh until I’m rolling on the floor, and to love like there is no tomorrow. I’ve forgotten what it’s like to simply live.

These are the sacrifices that I justify making in hopes that better opportunities come with better priorities. In all honesty, I’m getting to the point of burnout, and as much as I enjoy the all-encompassing conversations that I feel we have for three hours a week, each and every week, I also find that I come out of class feeling both incredibly uplifted

and inspired but also incredibly exhausted from how mentally and emotionally taxing the conversations can become. I am consumed with the stress of these conversations already in my day to day life (whether it be venting to a friend or simply living in my head) so sometimes the extra three hours (plus the reflective element of a journal entry) can easily feel looming.

Aside from really enjoying our little show and tell session of a UTSC Jane Walk, I also really appreciated that Alia’s main presentation point was that stories inform policymaking more than data collection when it comes to non-profits. I think there is a lot of importance in recognizing that statistics often overlook the lived experience and can often lack empathy in some regard.